Levi’s concern made Mickey smile. “Well, I kind of was. But for you I can always have something a little more.” He said taking another bite of his popcorn. “I would love to join you up on the roof though. I think it’ll be nice to watch the sunset.” He said putting the popcorn away and searching for something with a little more sustenance.
“Glad to see you’re smart enough to avoid the scolding,~” Levi teased in reply, tipping his chin and perking his brows with a smirk. “As always, there are plenty of leftovers, if you don’t want to cook anything.” As he spoke, he moved out of the way, not wanting to block Mickey from being able to get whatever he needed. “I’m glad you want to join me too, I was hoping for company tonight, so it must have been fate that you were in here.”
Mickey nodded smiling widely when Levi patted his stomach. Mickey was in a great mood, he really did well at the gym today better than he usually managed. “Nope, I just got out of the shower and my stomach decided it hates me and was like feed me.” He said as he opened some of his organic popcorn and had a piece.
With a soft hum, Levi chose some vegetarian raviolis he’d cooked up a day or so ago and closed the fridge, then grabbed a fork and popped the lid on the container to take a bite. He could heat it up, but his raviolis were good cold too, so he didn’t mind. “Well. It’s getting late, the sun should be going down soon. Do you want to join me up on the roof? And I hope you have more than just popcorn if you’re hungry, don’t make me flip the switch for mother hen mode.”
Mickey was hungry and ended up rummaging around the kitchen for something to eat that didn’t require a great deal of cooking talents. Not that he couldn’t cook, but he was tired and lazy. He turned around when he heard Levi’s voice. “Well hey there stranger~” He said smiling. “The need for food bring you here or are you doing some baking?”
Smiles from people like Mickey were contagious, and Levi could feel his spreading beyond just his lips. “Hunger,” he replied, wrinkling his nose a bit and placing his hands over his belly. After a few pats, he let them drop to his side and rolled onto the balls of his feet before taking steps towards the fridge. He always had leftovers in there. “What about you? Any plans for after you’re done in here?”
The rumblings of hunger were beginning to gnaw at the pit of Levi’s stomach, which brought him to the kitchen with a thoughtful expression on his face and a distracted sense to his presentation. When he walked through the entrance to the kitchen, his eyes caught Mickey and he stopped, surprised in a pleasant way. A soft smile grew and he tipped his head. “Fancy seeing you here.~”
I love you Levi. I do, really but I’m both more than a little drunk to actually talk about this or feel anything other than annoyance for being labelled an abuser for trying to get out of a conversation I never wanted to have in the first place.
If you’re so annoyed by it, then why are you so unwilling to try to figure out why it happened? Is that something that you want to be? I know that you’re drinking and that is the only reason I will accept for ending this line of questioning tonight, but you being annoyed because someone was hurt by you in that way isn’t something I can feel sympathy for or put stock into as a reason that you shouldn’t have to face what you’ve done. This was your error, and whether you want to hash it out with me now or later, you’re still going to hash it out with me. I care too much about you and I’ve gotten too close to you to let this slide.
You are dismissing again, by the way. You weren’t labeled an abuser for trying to get out of a conversation and you were told that. So stop that. You’re only proving that you don’t know how to listen. This isn’t something silly that happened for no reason. I won’t let you treat it like it was. You were labeled an abuser for the words you used. And you’ve been told that many times. There is no way that you could still think that you were being called an abuser for anything other than your abusive words. Your words very clearly fit the definition of discounting verbal abuse. And they were hurtful. If that upsets you, then this would be the perfect time to tell this person right here that cares about you and is trying to help you learn from this that you don’t want to be those things and you’d like to know how to avoid situations like this in the future. But as of right now, you absolutely are an abuser and you absolutely did exhibit abusive behavior.
Remember when you made the princess comment? You didn’t think it was big but it hurt me a lot. You called Jude’s feelings guilt trips. You did that. You also said he was making things up in his head when he told you what you did that hurt him and how it hurt him. Do you see how those things were interpreted? You might not think that calling his feelings a guilt trip was hurtful and you might not think that saying he was making things up after he told you how you hurt him was painful, but it was to him. This is the same situation as when you hurt me. You hurt someone in a way that you might not have meant to, but you did, and the only way you can redeem yourself from the word abuser is if you face that and make an effort to show that you won’t be like that anymore now that you know it’s hurtful. Or, you could admit that you were being a flippant asshole with him and you really didn’t and don’t care how your words affected him and you won’t care how they affect him in the future. That’s what it looks like to me. You were told that what you were doing was harmful and you continued to be harmful, and now you’re denying the credibility of Jude’s feelings like he has no right to them and you don’t want to talk about your errors against another human being because the topic annoys you. That isn’t right.
BLAINE: That I don't hate him and I hope he knows I support him and... T-that he can talk to me if he needs it...
BLAINE: I can't say any of that to him, he already said I do those things to boost my own ego and he is kinda right... I-I don't know how you do it, Levi, you just put yourself out there when you see something wrong and always end up right, and I can barely even speak a syllable to my brother...
LEVI: It's not that I always end up right, it's that I carefully consider what's going on around me before I speak. When I stepped in to speak up for Jude, I had already read the entire conversation four times. I even took notes, to make sure my points were succinct, since I was fighting a battle that was not my own- but still important enough that I wanted to treat it as if it were my own. So I educated myself, took time to reflect, and then went about speaking up. If this wasn't a case of someone being treated poorly, I wouldn't have spoken up. And I didn't speak up until I was sure. That's how I "always end up right." I make sure I'm fighting for the right side.
LEVI: I think you need to think about why you say those things for your own ego and not for him. Are you incapable of speaking with the sole intention of helping him? Are you incapable of putting yourself aside for that? Because that's what it sounds like he would want from you right now.
LEVI: I think if you sent him a message with those words, you'd be good. The only way you're going to get through to him is if you're going to him for /him/ though. You can't go to help him because I said so. You can't go to help him because you want to not feel like you've done wrong. You have to go to him because /he is hurt and he needs it/. 100% for him and 0% for you. He can obviously tell the difference. And there is a difference. I'm sure you've run into people who show concern for you but you know for a fact that they're only doing it for themselves. That doesn't feel good. It makes a person feel like a pity case or a charity case- like you're only there because you want to feel better about yourself.
LEVI: I'm not saying you've ever purposefully tried to help him for your own benefit, emotional or otherwise. But it's something to consider. I don't think you should let this occasion go without showing your support. If you do, it just tells him that you don't think his basic right to feel things is invalid. And after seeing you support Hunter, your silence is probably telling him right now that you think it's okay to hurt him. Why else, in his mind, would you not say anything to comfort him in his time of need?
LEVI: It's the things that you /don't/ do as well as the things that you do that build his perception of you.
BLAINE: I-I did learn, I learned what not to say. I just don't know what I /should/ say. What I did say i-is all I ever knew to say...
BLAINE: My first reaction, my gut reaction, was to not brother him and mess things up more cause that is all I do when we talk.
BLAINE: I-I can't compare you and Jude, you are two entirely different people, and I love you both in entirely different ways. What I am comfortable doing with you would be very uncomfortable to do with Jude...
BLAINE: ...which is probably the wrong answer-
BLAINE: I-I'm so sorry Levi... I-I keep messing up, I can't do anything right...
LEVI: Let's not make this about you. This isn't about you messing up. This isn't about a pile of mistakes sitting at your feet.
LEVI: This is about you thinking about /your brother/. So do that. Think about your brother. What do you want to say to him? What does knowing that he's hurt after being abused and invalidated make you want to say to him?
Yeah, well, what is done is done. Can’t go back now.
No, but you could be an adult and take responsibility for your actions. You could acknowledge that you made a mistake. You could apologize to the poor man that you yelled at- for a problem you weren’t even involved in. That’s what you do when you make a mistake. It’s not the end of the world, it’s just your moment to prove that you’re a decent human being by showing compassion, remorse, and willingness to understand and better yourself. The whole “can’t go back now” thing is sort of overtly dismissive, as if what’s done is done and there is no way to rectify your mistakes. That’s untrue.
And I hope you know that I’m not trying to be terrible to you. I’m just trying to help you open your eyes a little bit more so that you can learn and grow. Which is a thing that we, as human beings, do all the time. It’s okay to make mistakes if you own up to them and try to learn from them.
BLAINE: J-Jude doesn't like talking to me, we always fight... I don't want to fight with him. A-And Cooper and Avery may have just not noticed this was going on...
BLAINE: Tell me what to do, Levi, just tell me...
LEVI: Have you learned anything from any of those fights? Perhaps listened to his perspective and tried to see through it? But this isn't about anything other than the fact that as a loving brother, you should have been there. Unless you don't qualify for that title. When someone says they're being hurt, no matter who it is, you should be there.
LEVI: It's absolutely disgusting that I was the first person to try to see this from Jude's perspective in a public way. It's even more disgusting that I seem to be the only one doing it at all. He's done nothing to make any of us believe he's the type to cry wolf, and yet the first responses here were to question him and belittle his claims as if they couldn't possibly be true. For that to be the response to abuse claims... it's disgusting. It's really disgusting. I keep seeing victim blaming and people trying to shirk Hunter's responsibility in this. Does that not tell you what to do? Why do I have to tell you what to do? This is your /brother./ Does your gut not tell you what to do when your brother is hurt?
LEVI: If it were me, what would you do? If I said that someone was abusing me and I was hurt, what would you do? Do that.
LEVI: Unless it involves romantic kissing. Don't do that.
I have made some considerations, and heard many perspectives in the past hour, of which ended with my head in the toilet. I am just not going to speak my opinion again to avoid “my part in this”, end of story. Saves you and everyone else a lot of trouble. Thank you for the crackers and tea, by the by.
Perhaps that would be for the best, since your part in this was oppressing an abuse victim.
That isn’t something I’m going to dull the blow of, because that’s an incredibly important thing for you to know and learn from.
It might not seem like a big deal because it was a brand of verbal abuse that he was speaking against and not the obvious physical kind, but he is still the victim of behavior that qualifies officially as abuse that very obviously hurt him and you yelled at him for saying he was hurt and wanting to be heard and validated. You told him he was wrong to stand up for himself. That telling someone that he didn’t like how they were talking to him was aggressive and uncalled for, because Hunter was having a bad night so it was okay for him to say things that Jude found hurtful. Whether you believe that what happened was abuse or not, you can’t deny that much. And I would hope that you can agree with the fact that it’s okay to tell someone that what they said hurt you and it’s never okay to invalidate that. You’re welcome. If you have any other requests, I don’t mind.
BLAINE: I-I wasn't wanting to make the mess bigger... A-And Jude always said that I make situations that are meant to be about him about myself, didn't want it to seem like I was doing that... I support him, but I don't want to do something that hurts him...
BLAINE: I-I don't like making excuses like this, Levi, not to you...
LEVI: It's alright to feel like you shouldn't step in, if your reason is about /Jude/ and his comfort level. But a simple private message to him would have done wonders, I'm sure. He's got his whole family here and none of them supported him. What do you think that feels like? Especially when he had to see you comforting Hunter? Hunter was obviously aloof so you checked on him. Jude was practically hysterical and you did...?
One moment, washing my mouth out, stomach acid can erode your teeth…
Not saying you are wrong, cause you aren’t, and I did read that whose dismissal being part of abuse thing, which I already knew, but I feel that my actions trying to get the whole story was met with hostility, and now my mouth tastes like bile. So, you have taught me the lesson that what I say is not welcome. Now, my limbs are shaking and I have heartburn, so I will be going to bed.
Trying to make someone feel bad for telling you that what you’re doing is harmful is also harmful, by the way. But since we’re here already, I’ll be dropping off some saltines and a cup of both jasmine and peppermint tea for your stomach and your nerves. I hope that you take the night to consider your actions and my words, and perhaps the morning will show you in a better mood to learn from your part in this, which you clearly don’t want to hear about.
But especially, if you take nothing else from what I said, do not ever say what you said to Jude in a situation like that again. Find perspective before you start putting people down like that. You yelled at him for “kicking his abuser while he was down” and yet you clearly did the exact same thing– to the victim of current abuse. Never, ever try to make someone feel bad or ridiculous for talking about how they feel or how someone else is making them feel again.
BLAINE: I-I am sorry, since I did something wrong.
BLAINE: I have avoided the whole thing, I don't... Levi, can you tell me what I did so I can fix it?
LEVI: Your brother said he was being abused and I didn't once see you step in to defend him. Your brother said he was being abused and I didn't once see you ask if he was alright. Whether you believe his words or not, he clearly does, and you should be finding out why he feels that way. You should be making sure that he feels safe when he speaks about how he feels. You should be protecting him.
LEVI: Not drinking with the person who made him feel that way and still has yet to admit any wrongdoing. I'm incredibly furious, not with Hunter, but with his obvious inability to take responsibility for his words. He 100% said things that 100% qualify for the definition of discounting verbal abuse. He should have been able to be an adult and face that. He was obviously in a bad mood and he was obviously taking it out on Jude and when Jude called him out on it, it only got worse.
LEVI: Jude said some stuff too that I'm not pleased with, but you can't really tell someone that's being abused how they're supposed to respond to it. That's ridiculous. And you already know that your brother doesn't feel like he's worth as much as you and the rest of your family. What do you think Hunter calling his feelings guilt trips is going to do to him in the long term? What do you think Hunter calling his struggles stories as if they were fantasy is going to do to his feeling of validation and identity? These are big things and he said they were big things to him and I'm the /only/ one here standing up for him and his right to say that he felt that way, what the fuck is that all about?
LEVI: Remember when I said Hunter's words hurt me? Remember how Kurt reacted? He comforted Hunter. What are you doing in the exact same situation with different context and different people? How exactly are you being a good brother right now? Or even a decent human being? I really hope you have an answer for either of those.
You know, I have more to say, and I would love to say it, but you see, I have just been labeled as an abuse supporter, one of the most disgusting things in the world, just for wanting to hear both sides, and now I am going to go puke. So, if you need me, I will be hurling into the nearest toilet, thanks to good ol’ left index. I’ll see you on the other side of the war, my friend.
I can’t really take credit or the blame for how you’re acting. I used that term because you keep trying to avoid putting blame on the abuser’s shoulders. You keep trying to talk like it wasn’t his fault for using the words that he did, and someone already clearly stated that they felt they were abused and you’ve been sitting here questioning the validity of those words and his right to say them. It’s not that you want to hear both sides, you’re already biased towards the abuser’s side and it’s showing in your speech in subtle ways. I can’t help that. It’s not my doing and I won’t pretend it’s not there because it’s harmful. Your words were harmful. Especially your words to Jude himself. You supported abuse right to his face.
So if being called an abuse supporter makes you want to throw up, then take a good long sit down and try to figure out why you’re being called that (if you don’t already) and then figure out how to no longer support abuse through your words. I refuse to feel bad because you’re being toxic and I had the courage to tell you.
